I am listening to Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zero - Home

In the end, we regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

i am doing everything to be happy, to make my dreams come true, to have nothing what to regret when i will die.yeah right.. only now i realized that actually i am only cheating myself with this artifical idea.

Ofcourse we regret, and ofcourse there are going to be unused chances, unenjoyed relationships and unaccepted decisions. why? because i am [we are] fucking chicken. im not gonna be the only one who will always be afraid to kiss the one your heart belongs to, and i dont even denie the fact, that there are enough situations which i would already regret. and i`m not talking about this big true love, but about cute person in front of you while being drunk and in different city.

i still can`t decide what i expect from my life. tell me someone, please, what is the right thing - to do what you love, or to do what you only like. to be smart [ what you actually wish for] or to be happy in your perfect world. no, you can`t get everything. there will always be something what you will have to leave behind. at this exact moment, when i could choose to get this perfect dreamed life, what i wished for almost all my life, it seems i will choose what i already have.to stay. to finnish. and only than try again..
And only to keep myself kalm about letting some dreams away, i say `no` to a lot of opportunities just to be in place where i might be happier than there, where i am all the time. just to have this small part of my dream life and i could still keep dreaming, that i can have everything what i wish for. and it is only for days or some weeks. and because of that i will always ask myself - was it enough?!

but from now, exactly from now on i will start to risk. i will do and i will make my self really believe that i am doing everything to have this perfect life. even if i know i don`t.

besides, when time is flowing, sometimes, you don`t even understand anymore which is the life what you would like more. at least, i don`t know it anymore, so i will keep myself on this strange middle-way bridg!